Finally, a counter-zombie invasion guide for the U.S. Army

You know how in just about every zombie movie the various militaries of the world get caught with their collective camo'd pantaloons down, and get embarrassed by slowly shambling, moaning undead abominations? Well, no longer, thanks to a freshly minted "Counter-Zombie Operations" guide.

Officially referred to as "FM 999-3 Counter-Zombie Operations at the Fireteam Level," the unofficial guide bills itself as the "the primary doctrinal reference on conducting fire team sized infantry operations in a Zombie infested environment in the United States." We're not talking how to survive amidst the zombie horde, here. FM 999-3 is all about taking it head on and wiping it out.

Drafted by the not-real Army Zombie Combat Command, the manual makes for a surprisingly interesting read. (This after the U.S. government jokingly released its own zombie survival guide.)

The manual covers everything from how to identify a zombie to the best weapons to use, including "non-standard" options such as spears and swords. The former, actually, comes highly recommended as it allows soldiers to engage at a distance and, as demonstrated by the phalanx formations of ye olden times, can be incorporated into platoon-level tactics.

Surprisingly, the much-preferred chainsaw falls into the ineffective category, as its "a precious waste of fuel and its noise attracts zombies." Yeah, but it's teeth grind 'em up so good!

Still, we're not ones to argue with the AZCC, and this manual is for engagements by squads, not solo loons swinging chainsaws. If you're curious as to the best formations to choose when fighting a zombie horde, what to do when surrounded and overwhelmed, or how to best use the terrain around you to keep your brain from getting gnawed on, give the guide a read for yourself right here.

Just because his art is so damn amazing, here's the full drawing by Adonihs (click on it to see it larger):

Army Zombie Combat Command, via Wired

For the latest tech stories, follow us on Twitter at @dvice