Contest: You tell us how this magical USB thumb drive works

We're always on the lookout for USB sticks with magical powers of growth and rebirth, and at the same time are constantly amused by quacking wordsmiths spewing medical jargon. That's why we uttered a great gasp of WTF as we heard news of the T Power USB stick sweeping the Web today, making us wonder if someone in Europe decided to sell a $5 USB drive for $58.

We're trying to figure out how this thing reduces eye strain, enhances circulation, makes onions grow, what else it's able to cure, and whether we might be able to catch a buzz from it. So we decided to have a contest (UPDATE: The contest is now closed, and we have a winner!), giving away a sweet pair of V-Moda Remix Remote earphones (worth $99.99) to whoever comes up with the most likely and/or humorous explanation for this miraculous remedy.

Post your story in the comments. Our editorial team will pick the best story, and by the end of the day tomorrow, we'll publish the winner on DVICE (Entrant rules below). Be sure to enter your real e-mail address so we can contact you. Good luck!

KJ Global, via CrunchGear

WHO CAN ENTER
Open only to entrants who are permanent, legal residents of and physically residing in the 50 United States and the District of Columbia (excluding Puerto Rico, Guam, US Virgin Islands and all other US territories), who are 13 years of age or older at time of entry. To be considered, all entries must include the Entrant's valid e-mail address.

END DATE
The contest will end at 5:00 p.m. Eastern Time on Friday, April 23. Results will be posted that evening.