Sure, you could buy thoughtful gifts for your loved ones, gifts that show that you care and really wanted to get something for them that they'll love. Or, alternately, you could get them horrible gifts that would make them reconsider their longstanding relationship with you. Doesn't that sound like more fun?
It does to us! Click Continue to see eight horrible gadgety gifts that we dug up — just know that you're getting coal for Christmas.
Nothing says "Merry Christmas, Mom!" like a set-top box that streams porn on-demand. For a mere $9.95 per month, she'll get access to 10,000+ pornographic movies whenever she wants. She'll be sure to appreciate it.
2. Billy Big Mouth Bass
Hey, your girlfriend would love to have this, perhaps the tackiest item to ever come out of the tacky item factory. Every time you clap near it, it will sing, and she will struggle to figure out how to get it to stop. Jokes on her! You can't get it to stop!
3. A Dumbphone
Buying someone a phone that they could get for free with any cellphone contract is a nice way of letting them know that you have no respect for their intelligence or grasp of current technology. "I could have gotten you an iPhone, but that color screen would have just confused you! Look, if you want, I can teach you how to text message on this thing, as long as you won't get mad if it blows your mind."
4. Fleshlight Motion
This is great for the man in your life. Basically, this gift sends a message of acceptance of their lack of prowess in the sack. As long as they don't have to subject you to their inadequate gruntings and thrustings, you're happy. "Here, just enjoy this sex tube!" And hey, now that he's out of the way, we've got another list for you.
5. Xbox HD-DVD player
This is a fun one. Just pretend that you didn't hear about Blu-ray winning the HD movie disc battle or about how no more movies will be made on HD-DVD, ever. But hey, I'm sure plenty of old, crappy titles are available for cheap on the internet!
This is a mobile device that can only handle Twitter. No phone calls, no text messages, no emails, no nothing. Twitter and only Twitter. If the premise of the gadget alone doesn't make the recipient's head explode, having to use the poorly-designed thing will finish the job.
7. Personal Urn
Help your recipent plan for the inevitable in the creepiest way possible by purchasing for them an urn shaped like their head. Yes, you can buy an urn so someone's ashes can be placed where their brain once was. Because if being reminded of the oncoming freight train of death doesn't help bring in the holiday spirit, nothing does.
Of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia fame, this is a towel that, when wrapped around your waist, makes it look like you are naked. No further comment needed.
Got your horrible gift all picked out? Then check out one of our other gift guides, part of 12 Days of Gadgets here on DVICE:
Day One: 7 gadget gifts that will never go out of style
Day Two: 6 tech gifts billionaires are giving each other this year
Day Three: Giving a Kindle? Check out these 8 other e-readers first
Day Four: 8 offensive gadget gifts for the frenemies in your life
Day Five: 6 absurd gadget gifts your girlfriend will dump you over
Day Six: 5 classic sci-fi gadgets guaranteed to please your geekiest beloved
Day Seven: The DVICE guide to buying an HDTV in the off season
Day Eight: 7 awesome tech toys you can't buy in America
Day Nine: 7 gifts steampunks are giving each other this year
Day Ten: 6 gifts for if we lived in the retro tomorrow of yesterday
Day Eleven: 7 tech gifts you'll have to wait until next year to buy
Day Twelve: 5 holiday tech gifts that just might save the planet