Kenwood Cooking Chef food mixer now hot to trot

Mention the word Kenwood in the U.S., and people automatically think of high-end audio stuff. Mention the word Kenwood in the U.K., however, and this is what us limeys think of: the Kenwood Chef. (By the way, lady in the picture, I think you should get yourself over to E.R. straight away, it looks like you've got a nasty case of S.T.S.T.Y.C.*) Now then, before DVICE's more irascible readers get to work in the comments moaning that there are T.M.A.I.T.P.**, and, "Where's the product shot, dumbass?" (here's a clue: hit the Continue Reading link and you'll find a mini gallery for your delectation) I wish to tell you exactly how much I like this picture. And then we'll talk about what I'm meant to be talking about, namely the Kenwood Cooking Chef, the first ever food processor that cooks as it stirs. Now, click continue — you know you want to.

I like the first image in this post because it shows us just how far we've come. Perhaps this was the photo that made Thrillary Clinton decide that she wasn't going to stay at home and bake cookies for her man — let's face it, if you're married to a man like Bill Clinton, the phrase "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" just doesn't cut any ice, does it? You just know that the signpost directing travellers to Bill Clinton's heart is aimed due south of his ex-presidential belly.

Yeah, yeah, I know you're just gagging to hear about the hot and mixy Kenwood Cooking Chef, but can we talk about the strapline on the ad? I so like the strapline. "I'm giving my wife a Kenwood Chef." It just begs the reply, "Oh really honey? And I'm giving you divorce papers/tantric sex lessons/chlamydia." Since when did advertisements stop being so entertaining? Hindsight truly is a beautiful thing — as is irony (another domestic chore that I'm not very good at, but hey, rumpled sexiness is big where I come from.)

But I digress. You want to hear about the Kenwood Cooking Chef, doncha? Like I said before my monologue got in the way, it's the first ever food mixer that cooks while it mixes. Evah. This means choux pastry, risotto, meringue are all easy peasy. Well, I reckon risotto's easy peasy anyway, and all that sticky stirring gives you great upper-arm strength — perfect for slapping that sexist pig damn hard when he won't get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich (not that DVICE endorses violence, oh no, peeps, a lover not a fighter am I.)

Now then, price time. The Kenwood Cooking Chef (see how many times I've repeated their name, ooh, I should be doing infomercials, I should) costs 995 of our British pounds, which is a smidgeon over $1,600. Yeah, expensive. The original Kenwood Chef*** — see below, alongside its grandson — came out in 1950 and cost £19.50 — or its pounds, shillings and pence equivalent. Which begs one question. If, 59 years ago, the Kenwood Chef cost Nineteen Pounds and Fifty Pence, surely, in 2009, the Kenwood Chef should cost Twenty Pounds and Nine Pence.

Economics was never my strong point.


*Sexist Twat Stuck To Your Cheek, a highly disfiguring disease.
**Too Many Acronyms In This Post.
***Useless fact fans may like to know that it was invented by a man called Ken Wood.

Via Daily Mail