Look, you didn't grow up to become a cop or a detective. And for that, I am sorry. But really, having a holster that holds your cellphone and your keys will make you look like a dork, not like a cop. Trust me.
The e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Holster is like a holster for a gun, but it really just gives you some additional pockets. It is, in a word, ridiculous. I mean, I can't really think of a good reason to wear this unless you had T Rex arms and couldn't reach the pockets of your pants. In which case far be it from me to make fun of your pitiable situation. Otherwise, however, you'll just get laughed at.