Who's guarding the border? It's you — via webcam

Finally, the government has discovered a way to combine Americans love of peeping with their distrust of immigrants to put freedom-loving citizens to work for Uncle Sam free of charge. Texas Governor Rick Perry has announced a plan to put webcams along the Texas-Mexico border, allowing anyone with an Internet connection to become a virtual border patrolman, reporting any suspicious crossings to the authorities. Just think, you can sit there at work with the webcam window open next to your Excel spreadsheet all day, doing your part in the war on terror/cheap immigrant labor. The whole program will cost about $5 million, but there's no word as to when this will be implemented or how you can sign up and, presumably, get out of having your phone records probed. God bless America!