North Korean archaeologists, well known throughout North Korea but nowhere else for being the most amazing archaeologists in the entire world, have discovered the lair of a unicorn. Yes, unicorns have lairs, and anyone who tells you differently is perpetuating western imperialist dogma.
This is OFFICIAL NEWS from the OFFICIAL KOREAN CENTRAL NEWS AGENCY, guys:
Lair of King Tongmyong's Unicorn Reconfirmed in DPRK
Pyongyang, November 29 (KCNA) -- Archaeologists of the History Institute of the DPRK Academy of Social Sciences have recently reconfirmed a lair of the unicorn rode by King Tongmyong, founder of the Koguryo Kingdom (B.C. 277-A.D. 668).
The lair is located 200 meters from the Yongmyong Temple in Moran Hill in Pyongyang City. A rectangular rock carved with words "Unicorn Lair" stands in front of the lair. The carved words are believed to date back to the period of Koryo Kingdom (918-1392).
Jo Hui Sung, director of the Institute, told KCNA:
"Korea's history books deal with the unicorn, considered to be ridden by King Tongmyong, and its lair.
The Sogyong (Pyongyang) chapter of the old book 'Koryo History' (geographical book), said: Ulmil Pavilion is on the top of Mt. Kumsu, with Yongmyong Temple, one of Pyongyang's eight scenic spots, beneath it. The temple served as a relief palace for King Tongmyong, in which there is the lair of his unicorn.
The old book 'Sinjungdonggukyojisungnam' (Revised Handbook of Korean Geography) complied in the 16th century wrote that there is a lair west of Pubyok Pavilion in Mt. Kumsu.
The discovery of the unicorn lair, associated with legend about King Tongmyong, proves that Pyongyang was a capital city of Ancient Korea as well as Koguryo Kingdom."
Obviously, North Korea isn't claiming to have discovered unicorns. That would be just ridiculous. I mean, come on. Geez. It's only claiming to have discovered the lair where a unicorn used to live. And this particular unicorn just happens to be definitive, irrefutable proof that Pyonyang is the once and future capital of all of Korea. Not convinced? Well, apparently there's a rock right there that says "Unicorn Lair." So suck it, imperialist pig.